School Bullying: How to Recognize It and What to Do If Your Child Is Being Targeted

Imagine your daughter comes home from school and, instead of telling you about her day, goes straight to her room without a word. Or your son — who used to beg you to take him to the park with friends — now finds every excuse to stay home. Something has shifted. You can feel it, but you can’t quite name it.

Sometimes that quiet signal has a name: school bullying.

As a parent or caregiver, few things are more painful than sensing your child is suffering and doesn’t know how to ask for help. In this article, I want to walk alongside you — to help you understand what bullying really is, how to recognize it early, and what you can do to protect and support your child starting today.

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What Is Bullying, and Why Is It Still So Common?

School bullying is a form of violence that happens repeatedly among children or teenagers, where there’s a clear power imbalance between the person doing the harm and the one receiving it. It’s not a one-time fight or a conflict between equals — it’s a sustained pattern that can be physical, verbal, social, or digital (the latter known as cyberbullying).

It can look like:

• Hurtful nicknames repeated day after day
• Deliberate social exclusion (“nobody talk to them”)
• Hitting, pushing, or destroying someone’s belongings
• Mockery in group chats or on social media
• Spreading rumors to damage someone’s reputation

Why does it keep happening? Because bullying doesn’t come from one child being “bad by nature.” It grows out of group dynamics, environments that don’t teach empathy, and school structures that sometimes minimize or fail to catch what’s going on. Shame and fear also play a huge role — children who are targeted often stay silent because they don’t know if anyone will believe them or take it seriously.

In narrative therapy, there’s a principle I come back to often: the problem is the problem, not the person. Your child is not “the one who lets it happen,” and the child doing the bullying is not simply “a bad kid.” There are stories, contexts, and dynamics at play — and those can be understood and changed.

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Signs Your Child Might Be Experiencing Bullying

Children rarely come home and say, “I’m being bullied.” More often, the distress shows up sideways. Here are some signs worth taking seriously:

Mood or behavior changes:

• Seems sad, irritable, or anxious without a clear reason
• Cries easily or has sudden outbursts of anger
• Becomes quieter or more withdrawn than usual

Resistance to going to school:

• Complains of stomachaches or headaches on school days
• Frequently asks to stay home
• Gets visibly anxious on Sunday evenings

Physical or material signs:

• Comes home with torn clothes, missing belongings, or money that “fell out”
• Has bruises or scrapes with vague explanations
• Starts eating significantly more or less than usual

Changes in social life:

• No longer wants to hang out with friends or invite anyone over
• Avoids talking about school or classmates
• Grades drop suddenly and noticeably

If you’re seeing several of these signs together, don’t wait for absolute certainty before you act. Trust your instincts as a parent.

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What to Do When You Find Out Your Child Is Being Bullied

The first — and most important — step is creating a safe space for your child to talk. Try to hold back reactions like “Why don’t you just stand up for yourself?” or “That’s just how kids are.” Even when they come from love and worry, those responses can make your child feel like they did something wrong, or that coming to you wasn’t worth it.

Instead, try this:

1. Listen without interrupting. Let them tell the story at their own pace.
2. Validate what they’re feeling. “That sounds really painful” goes further than you might think.
3. Thank them for telling you. It took courage.
4. Don’t minimize — but don’t panic either. Take it seriously while staying calm in front of them.
5. Make it clear it’s not their fault. This one is non-negotiable.

After you’ve listened, start documenting: dates, incidents, names if you have them. This will matter when you talk to the school.

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Working With the School

Many families feel frustrated when they bring this to the school and feel like nothing happens. To make that conversation more effective:

• Request a formal meeting with the principal or a school counselor — not just a quick word with the classroom teacher (though involving them matters too)
• Bring documentation if you have it: screenshots, written descriptions of incidents with dates
• Be specific: describe concrete situations rather than general statements
• Ask what the school’s protocol is for bullying cases — most international and private schools in Mexico City have formal procedures, and you have every right to know what they are
• Follow up in writing after each meeting, whether by email or message

If the school doesn’t respond appropriately, you can escalate — whether through the school board, a parent association, or, if your child is in a Mexican public school, through the SEP’s (Ministry of Education) school violence reporting channels.

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The Role of Therapy in Healing From Bullying

Addressing bullying doesn’t end when the bullying stops. Children who’ve been targeted need to rebuild something essential: the story they tell about themselves.

When someone is bullied repeatedly, they start to believe certain things — that they’re weak, that they don’t deserve friends, that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Using narrative therapy and play therapy, my work with children focuses on helping them separate from those stories that bullying “stuck” onto them, and rediscover their own strengths, resources, and capacity for connection.

Therapeutic support can also help:

• Reduce the anxiety that lingers after the experience
• Rebuild self-esteem and confidence in relationships
• Process difficult emotions like fear, sadness, and anger
• Develop social skills that will serve them going forward
• Support the whole family — because bullying affects everyone, not just the child at the center of it

I offer sessions in English for expats, digital nomads, and English speakers living in Mexico City. If you feel your child needs this kind of support — or if you, as a parent, are carrying a lot of anxiety about what’s happening — I’d love to connect. You can reach out to book a session via WhatsApp here, and we’ll figure out together what makes the most sense for your family.

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A Final Word for You

If you’ve read this far, it’s probably because your child’s wellbeing matters deeply to you. That already counts for a lot. The fact that you’re looking for information, trying to understand, wanting to act — that speaks to how present you are in their life.

Bullying leaves marks, yes. But with the right support — at home, at school, and in therapy — those marks can heal. Your child doesn’t have to carry this alone. And neither do you.

If you have questions, or you’re just not sure whether therapy might help, you don’t need to have it all figured out before reaching out. I’m here.